The Council
4 offices filled · 1 vacant
The National Wallet Protection Council
The Council sits in emergency session as required, which since 2019 has been eleven times. Nine of those sessions concerned restaurant bills.
President
Julius Rock
Presides over the National Wallet Protection Council and signs every notice personally, in ink he purchased himself. Has chaired eleven emergency sessions, nine of which concerned restaurant bills. Is understood to keep the Association's accounts in a single exercise book and to have never once misplaced it. Declines lunch invitations on principle, and has declined this one too.
- Portfolio
- Wallet Protection · Fiscal Discipline · Public Notices
- In office since
- Founding Session, 2019
Minister of Youth
Leonardo DiCaprio
Holds the youth portfolio and is responsible for the Association's schools programme, 'Say No Early'. Advocates the position that a young man who learns to say 'I don't have' before twenty-five will never need to learn it after thirty. Has published two pamphlets on the subject and refused to fund the printing of either.
- Portfolio
- Youth Affairs · Age-Appropriate Budgeting · Early Financial Literacy
- In office since
- Second Session, 2021
Minister of Information
Roger Sentongo
Responsible for the Gazette, the issuing of public notices, and all correspondence the Association does not intend to answer. Maintains the position that a notice, once published, has discharged the Association's duty in full. Built and operates this website, and has repeatedly declined to pay for a second one.
- Portfolio
- The Gazette · Public Notices · Correspondence
- In office since
- Third Session, 2023
Minister of Finance
VacantThe post remains unfilled
The Association has never appointed a Minister of Finance. Three candidates were interviewed in 2019. All three raised the question of remuneration within the first four minutes, and the Council resolved that a man who asks what he will be paid before asking what he will be doing is temperamentally unsuited to the portfolio. The post is not advertised.
- Portfolio
- Vacant
- In office since
- Vacant since inception
- Notices signed
- None
Registrar of Wallets
Identity withheld
Maintains the Register of Protected Wallets and adjudicates all applications for exemption. The Registrar's identity is withheld for operational reasons, and also because revealing it would result in invitations. Has granted three exemptions in six years and is understood to regret two of them.
- Portfolio
- The Register · Exemptions · Verification of Witnesses
- In office since
- Unknown
The offices described above do not exist and the office-holders are fictional characters. Nothing on this page describes the actual conduct, finances or opinions of any real person, and no photographs of any real person appear on this site.